Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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