My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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