turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
