the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
