I need help removing her.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
