I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
