Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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