OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
