Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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