Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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