Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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