I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
