using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
