So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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