I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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