proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
