You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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