Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
