I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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