No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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