hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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