My friends, they love my intelligence
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
