the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
