And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
