I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
