I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
well you can't waste a boner
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I FOUND THE LEGS
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
