Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
