I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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