Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
