I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Randomize
