Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
