Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
