party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
