Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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