those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
