I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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