her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
