She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
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like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
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My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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