do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
