She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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