God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
