2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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