I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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