So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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