ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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