ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
