and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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