cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
