We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
So. Much. Porn.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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