So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
