I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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