I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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