So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
