the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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