she was so not down for the gang bang
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
