Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I currently don't understand fingers.
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