I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
