Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Also, beer. Big fan.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
