just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Life is so much better after having sex.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
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Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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