She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
