She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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