bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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