walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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