I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
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