I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
