I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My feet surprised me
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