why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
