There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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