Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
