: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
