I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
