Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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