I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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