if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
