just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
