i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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