Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
