Non-Jews are for practice
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
