i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He is an equal opportunity slut.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
