I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
